5 Ways to Improve Your Long-Distance Relationship

5 Ways to Improve Your Long-Distance Relationship

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Lifestyle, Relationships

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For some of you, the title might be reminiscent of a post I did for Sorority Stylista last summer. I haven't written for them in a while, but there's still tons really fun college-related reads if you want to check it out. A lot of things have changed for me since that article was published, prompting a little update to one of my favorite topics: Long Distance Relationships (LDRs). My boyfriend, Bryan, lives in Mechanicsville, Virginia, and I live in Portland, Oregon. These two places are nearly 3,000 miles apart on a map and about the same distance apart when it comes to culture and lifestyle.

Bryan and I met in the middle of my freshman year and his sophomore year at Randolph-Macon College in Ashland, Virginia, and have been together ever since. I have spent all three summers at home in Portland while he has stayed in Mechanicsville. He has gone to England for a month, we have done most breaks apart, and we are approaching a several-month separation on top of this summer when I go to Salzburg for the fall semester of my senior year.

Each summer apart has been different. The first summer was okay because we were still figuring out our relationship, our jobs, and our roles at home with our families. The second summer was miserable on my end - I had an internship that I absolutely hated, and I struggled with finding happiness in my daily life. This third summer has been great. I have taken time for myself, paid attention to my body and my emotional needs, and found a summer job that I absolutely love - I nanny for two adorable families! Being happy and busy has made the summer fly by and minimized the fighting that had been more common in previous summers.

Facing some distance yourself? You're in the right place!

I've gathered some of my best tips for those of you working through a LDR.

1. Focus on your own happiness.  

If you are miserable, your partner will be too. If you are happy, it will be easier for your partner to be happy. It is very challenging to discuss emotions over the phone or FaceTime, and misunderstandings will happen. I guarantee it. So figure out what will make you feel good - a new workout class, a better job, or friends at home - and do that until you love your life and your routine. LDRs are an amazing opportunity to focus on personal growth. You probably have a lot of new time on your hands after saying "see you later" - so do something with it!

2. Accept change.

If your partner has picked up a new hobby or made new friends, it doesn't mean that they are replacing you. It means, most likely, that they are (like you should be) enriching their own lives and taking the time that you are spending apart to fill the void that you have left behind. Growth is good for relationships! You both will bring much more to the table if you are able to embrace individual change.

3. Let yourself struggle sometimes. 

Long distance relationships are hard, especially if you are used to spending every day and night with your significant other. There are going to be hard days, and that's okay. It's also okay if your partner is having a hard day or a tougher time in general - try to be as empathetic as possible, even if you're in a different place emotionally.

4. Figure out what kind of communication works for both of you.

This means you may have to compromise. It's not fair to blow up your partner's phone with snapchats and texts if that really isn't their preferred method of communication - or if they have spotty cell service and physically can't reciprocate. I learned this one the hard way. Try to create some type of schedule where you always text, call, or FaceTime at a certain time during the day or night, leaving the rest of the day open and without pressure to be in constant contact with one another.

5. Go the extra mile.

Send a care package, letter, post card, or even flirty texts. Bryan is not only my boyfriend, but also my best friend, and it's important that I am able to make sure that he can feel that from across the country. The most important thing, I think, is that your presence is felt from however far away you find yourselves. This needs to go both ways, too. If you need a little more, talk about it. Discuss your needs (emotional, physical, communication, etc.) before your separation and come up with ways that those can be met through effort from both parties. Nothing will work unless you're both making an effort!

If you're ever struggling with your LDR, drop me a line - maybe I can help! Best of luck!